


Let's Go Rob A Bank

by Trillian_Astra



Category: Death at a Low Price (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bank Robbery, Based on a Tumblr Post, BundleBuddy is a human called BB, Gen, Heist, Leverage AU, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 08:45:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11376696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trillian_Astra/pseuds/Trillian_Astra
Summary: Manager "runs" a tight-knit crew of criminals - Eugene the safecracker, BB the hacker, Icarus the grifter/Professional Distraction, Jeremy the pickpocket, Elliot the sharpshooter, with Kennedy and Kiera as the heavy hitters.They go after a particular safety deposit box (which Manager is oddly secretive about) in a particular bank.... only it appears that they're not the only crew after it.





	Let's Go Rob A Bank

“You’re probably wondering why I brought you here tonight…”

The lights snapped on and the small group clustered in the doorway saw a figure sitting at the end of a long table.

“Uh, we all work together,” Elliot said. “We know who you are.”

“ _Yes_ , thank you _Elliot_ , I was _trying_ to achieve a little mystique.” Manager leant forward in their chair. “You might as well all sit down,” they grumbled.

The group filtered in and took their usual seats around the table – Kennedy, Eugene and Elliot down one side, Kiera, Jeremy and Icarus facing them, and BB at the far end from Manager with his laptop somehow already out.

He typed a few commands and an array of images appeared on the display screen behind Manager.

“So, would you like to know what we’re going to steal?” Manager said.

The group looked at each other.

“Yeah?” Icarus said.

“I’m glad.” Manager nodded at BB, and moments later a blueprint appeared on the screen. “In the vault of this bank is something that I want. We’re going to go and get it.”

“Are we allowed to know what it is?”

“No, Icarus, you don’t need to. You just need to get into that vault and get me the contents of that safety deposit box. If you need an incentive, the rest of the vault does have an _awful_ lot of money in it, you can help yourselves to that.”

Icarus shrugged. “Eh, I didn’t have any plans for this week anyway.”

“Good to see you’re committed,” Manager said.

“Of course,” he said, flashing the world’s least sincere grin.

~

“So, why am I always the one pretending to be the cleaner or the waiter or whatever…” Jeremy muttered.

“Because you’re so good at it!” Elliot chirped over the earpiece.

At the same time, Eugene added “Because I’m the one who knows how to crack a safe, and Kenny and Kiera are taking care of security. And Elliot’s on a roof across the street.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Jeremy said.

“Team, what’s with all the chat?” Manager said over the comms. “What have we said about focus?”

Kennedy’s voice came through immediately. “C’mon, people. We’re here to do a job. Jeremy, you’re there because we need an inside man to swipe some IDs and you’re the best pickpocket. Now focus on not giving the game away and getting Eugene to that vault.”

~

“YOU!” Icarus yelled in the middle of the shareholders’ reception, pointing wildly at a gentleman wearing a dark suit and a bemused expression. He’d never met the man – only knew his name because BB had hacked the security feeds and was matching guests against the invitation list. But it didn’t matter – all Icarus needed to do was cause a nice, big distraction that would keep everyone in the room focused on him and not on Jeremy and Eugene as they slipped away towards the vault in the basement.

“…he was in Hawaii recently with a young lady who was _definitely_ not his wife… I think you can use that….” BB murmured into his earpiece.

“…how _dare_ you, first you fuck off to Hawaii with some _floozy_ and tell _me_ that you’re at a conference in Atlantic fucking City… then you just show up here _knowing_ I’d be invited too… and who’s this? Another of your _girlfriends_?...”

Listening to Icarus’ performance over the comms, Kennedy rolled his eyes. He glanced over at Kiera, who was checking that her gun was loaded. “Should we just storm the place? That’d be distracting.”

“Yeah, but we’re trying to distract people _without_ getting caught.”

“Ugh.”

“There, there… we’ll find you someone to hit soon enough.”

~

“Uh, BB?” Elliot said from her perch on the rooftop overlooking the bank.

“Yeah?”

“You checked out the guest list, right?”

“….are you serious? Of course I did.”

“Anything odd jump out at you while you were doing that?”

“Nooo… they’re just a bunch of boring rich people. A lot of them are having affairs, some of them with each other, but you don’t mean that, do you?”

“Nope. I’m checking through the scope and I’m pretty sure I just saw Thaddeus Weaver in there.”

“ _What_.”

Elliot peered through the scope. “Where’d he go…. Oh, there, the drinks table by the window. Jeremy, do you see him?”

“U-uh… yeah. Yeah I see him. I know why BB didn’t spot him… he wasn’t on the guest list. He’s with the security team.”

“Oh no.”

“Better get down there fast,” Manager butted in. “Hopefully he hasn’t spotted you yet.”

~

Jeremy glanced across the room to where Icarus was distracting the guests. Pretty much everyone was now paying attention, including a few of the guards. Weaver was by the window, and appeared to be watching the show but kept looking in Jeremy’s direction.

Jeremy nudged Eugene, who was also posing as a waiter. “Time to go.”

“Thought it’d never happen…”

They slipped away, using pilfered ID badges to access the secure areas of the bank, and ran to the back entrance. A swipe of a badge got the door open to where Kennedy and Kiera were waiting with the getaway van.

“Uh, guys?” Elliot said over the comms.

“Yeah?” Kiera whispered.

“I can’t see Weaver any more. He must have left the party. Y’all need to get moving…”

“Thanks, honey. We’ll keep our eyes open.”

To Kennedy, Kiera said, “You hear that?”

“Yeah.”

“We’d better get on with this. Jeremy, you stay here with the van.” She tossed Jeremy the ID badge. “Keep the door open, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure,” Jeremy stuttered, privately glad that he could just sit the rest out.

~

“Kenny, sweetheart, can you stand guard out here, keep anyone from distracting me? Kiera, you too, yeah?”

Eugene was already pulling a set of lock-picks from their bag, studying the vault door with concentration.

~

Kennedy caught a glimpse of movement and reached out one arm.

“Hey!”

He looked at the person whose shirt he’d grabbed a handful of. “Weaver? Uh…. What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

“And I’d say it was none of your business.”

“Hey, c’mon, what’s with the tone? We’re in the same business, we can be civil, right…”

“Kiera, can I punch this guy?”

“I don’t see security – um, _real_ security – anywhere, so as long as you don’t make too much noise…”

Kennedy grinned.

Weaver saw the look in his eyes and gulped.

“All I’m after is one safety deposit box! That’s it! Uh… number 1267. You guys can have the rest, I swear.”

“Uh-huh…”

“Wait,” Kiera said, “did you say 1267?”

“Yeah…”

She looked at Kennedy. “That’s the same one.”

“Oh shit,” he said.

Just at that moment, the vault door clicked open and Eugene cried out. “Yeah! I think that might be a new personal record.”

They turned back to look at the others. “Kenny, hon? We’re open for business.”

Weaver took advantage of the momentary distraction to slide out of Kennedy’s grip and dash past Eugene into the vault.

~

“Oh.”

Weaver had already got box 1267 open, and was staring at the contents.

“Uh… you can have it,” he said quickly. “I don’t want it.” With that, he bolted out the door.

“You think we need to worry about him calling the cops? Kiera said.

“How would he explain what he was doing here? He’s not actually on the security team. He can’t report us without implicating himself.”

“Uh, guys?” Eugene called out. “You should see this.”

They walked into the vault to find Eugene staring at the contents of box 1267.

Kiera frowned. “What… oh, no. Not them.”

Kennedy reached into the box and pulled out… a single candy cane.

“How the hell did _they_ get in here without us _or_ Weaver seeing them?”

“Yo,” BB said over the comms, “Security are on their way down to the vault, guys. I’m stalling but you need to clear out _now_.”

The three in the vault looked at each other, and quickly started emptying deposit boxes into their bags. Kennedy left the candy cane in box 1267, and they bolted for the door.

Moments later, they were clambering into the van.

Over comms, Jeremy said, “OK, they’re all here. Icarus, Elliot, get out of there.”

~

“ _What_?”

“The deposit box was empty except for a candy cane,” Eugene said. “Kiera and Kenny saw it too.”

“How did they do it?” Manager said, almost to themselves. “How could they get in without us knowing, _and_ dodge both us and Weaver’s crew…”

“Uh, Manager?” Elliot asked cautiously. “Are you OK?”

“I… just get out of here, all of you. I’ll contact you all later.”

As the crew got up to leave, Kiera put an arm around Elliot’s shoulders. “Hey, wanna get something to eat?”

“Uh,” Elliot blushed scarlet. “Uh, sure! Food would be good! Kennedy, are you coming? Eugene?”

Kennedy and Eugene looked at each other. “Double date?” Eugene murmured to him.

“Hell, why not…”

As the four left the room, Icarus turned to Jeremy. “So what happened? What’s up with Manager?”

“You don’t know about the Candy Cane crew? Oh, yeah, you weren’t here the last time we ran into them. Well…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
